This is Not a Diary
by jarpadsalecki
Summary: I'm Finn Hudson, and I repeat: this is not a diary.
1. February 7th

**Quick Note: This is the longest entry so far, the next couple are drabbles, but I'll be writing longer ones soon!**

_February 7, 2011, 2010_

_This is not a diary. I'm Finn Hudson, and I repeat: this is not a diary. I don't even know why I bought this little notebook at the gas station. I just need to…write stuff, I guess. _

_Well, I'm in love with this girl, see, and I wasn't completely honest with her. Last year I had sex for the first time (trust me, little notebook, it was awesome physically, but I didn't feel anything, like, in my heart. I'm sorry notebooks can't do that stuff, because it really is awesome) and I told her I didn't. She found out and got wicked pissed and made out with my ex-best bud, which last year knocked up my ex-girlfriend (we were dating at the time, though) so we aren't really buds anymore. Yeah so, she told me about that, and I dumped her._

_It wasn't my finest moment._

_We had promised to be completely honest with each other, right? I mean, it's not like she lied like I did…but me and her weren't even together when I did it with Santana! And, and she knew I'd take that kind of cheating stuff to heart after Quinn. _

_But the point is I don't have her anymore. Last night we won the conference (Screw Dalton. Go Titans!) And—you're never going to believe this—it was because of the girls. Mostly her, but I guess it was her and Mercedes' idea too. The girls got all up in football gear, and when we snapped the ball, they just lied there and we took the rap. It was actually sort of brilliant. Plus, she looked really adorable in football stuff. All the other girls looked like "GET READY TO RUMMMMBLLLEEEEE" and she was just like "don'tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don'tcha wish your girlfriend was—!" yeah you get the point. At least I got to pat her on the head._

_I really hope she and Puck aren't doing stuff behind the scenes. They sounded good singing that song, but they were totally eye-humping each other. It was totally offensive. To me, anyway. _

_Yeah, and during the half-time show, when we did "Thriller/Heads Will Roll," she looked super hot. Have you ever imagined zombies getting it on? I mean, no duh you haven't, and you're a notebook. But I have, and I think it'd be pretty damn hot. But Finny D didn't get any zombie action that night, nope. He won a game though, and then the next day he finds his ex-girlfriend (who is currently dating his new bud, Sam) kissing him in the hallway._

_That was hot, too._

_Maybe if I seal the deal with Quinn, I can get my mojo back and her too. Not Quinn, no, I mean the one I'm in love with. I mean, I'm only in love with that one. Quinn's hot and stuff, but I mean…there's nothing there compared to what I had._

_I hope this works._

_Like I said, this isn't a diary._


	2. February 8th

_February 8, 2011_

_She came to the kissing booth, just like I knew she would. She paid me a dollar. I kissed her…on the cheek. I know, I know, really stupid. But I have to settle this thing with Quinn first. She got kind of riled up—you know, she's kind of hot when she's like that—and I took her aside and she kind of broke down and told me she was still in love with me and cared about me and stuff. What I wanted more than anything else was to just kiss her for real—no dollar needed—and pick up things where we left off. But that's not how we should do it. There are things about the both of us that we need to change before we can get back together. I…I'm not exactly sure what, but I know there are. Otherwise, we wouldn't have broken up, right?_

_Anyway, I gave her the present I was saving since Christmas. The star necklace one. Her eyes kind of lit up when she saw it and I put it on her and I told her I'd always believe in her. She still looked kind of sad, but hopeful, I don't really know. She walked away after that._

_Then I freaking caught mono from Santana (I think) and Quinn caught it from me. Oh, yeah, we kissed again. Me and Quinn. Well, me and Santana too, but that was for kissing booth purposes. She never actually paid me a dollar, though…okay. But Quinn and I, we actually might have made out…a little. It was kind of hot, though. We kissed at the booth before, but Sam was watching, even though there were still fireworks._

_So I'm sick at home, but after Quinn got picked up by her mom or whatever, Rachel visited me. I woke up and she was standing there like the freaking angel she was. And she was going on about how Quinn was prettier than her, and I told her she was beautiful, but she didn't buy it. She asked me if I felt something more with Quinn and I was honest with her, so I said yeah. Then she asked me the same for her. First of all, I wasn't sure if she meant our kissing booth "kiss" or other kisses we've had. Because there aren't many sparks in a peck on the cheek, but there were definitely some (in my pants, especially. But let's not tell anyone about my little difficulty, right?) Other times. But I was hesitating and she took it the wrong way and I was this close to telling her I loved her, but she just said she was through and then stormed off._

_I freaking lost her, didn't I? Damn it, what am I supposed to do now that she's apparently all independent and stuff?_

_Still not a diary._


	3. February 15th

_February 15, 2011_

_She and Mercedes had a diva-off or something today. They sang some song from that musical Rent that she likes, but when I Googled the song it said that two lesbians sing it. So I have to admit I was kind of excited. But she was super hot singing it. She was like licking her lips and being all like head-bitch-in-charge and no offense, but I think she did more awesome than Mercedes. They were all BFFs or whatever at the end, though, so that was nice. And her hair looked cute. Oh, still not a diary._


	4. February 18th

_February 18, 2011_

_Yeah, so I saw her again today. She had that really cute owl sweater on. The one she was wearing over the summer when mom was sick and stuff and made me go foods shopping and then we went together. It was like we were married and she had the list and was bossing me around in that way of hers, and I pushed the carriage like a boss. Then we got home in time for the game and she fell asleep on the couch with her head on my shoulder and I didn't mind one bit. By the way, this isn't a diary._


	5. February 19th

_February 19, 2011_

_I wonder how she's doing writing that song for Regionals. I should've said something in Glee club when she mentioned it. It was a totally cool idea. I like My Chemical Romance, but like she said, we need something even more awesome if we want to beat Aural Intensity and the Warblers this year. Wait, aren't we competing against Vocal Adrenaline, too? Yikes, she's definitely right._

_I heard about her trying to make a comeback by exploiting Brittany. She's clever, but I guess it backfired, which was really stupid because everyone thought Britt was the trendsetter, even though that was so clearly not her style right there. I've always thought she had cute clothes. I mean, not Brittany, I meant my ex. No one can pull it off but her, in my opinion. I guess Brittany has cool clothes too, though._

_So when I told her she should write that song, and I told her she was making a comeback…man, her face lit up. She doesn't really need a comeback, though. It's like saying "I'm bringing sexy back," and then somebody else saying "sexy never left!" It's redundant, or whatever. Her mojo never left. _

_When we did "Sing," though, I was pretty stoked that we were singing lead vocals like we always used to. And, man, does she look hot in plaid. I wore an awesome beanie, of course. We, like, matched. Well, everyone else was wearing plaid too, but she definitely looked the best._

_I guess Sam and Quinn broke up because he figured out that Quinn didn't actually save my life. Yeah, this week was all about Justin Bieber, by the way. Sam sang a song and then all the guys except me got into it and then when I finally tried it out, Quinn was already moved on, and I guess so was Sam—to Santana. Can you believe that?_

_So, I guess I'm trying to figure out if I should ask Quinn out now that we're both free. I like Quinn, sure, but she's just got nothing on her. My ex, I mean. I hate calling her my ex. But that's what she is._

_Quinn didn't seem all that interested in me right before Sam broke up, and right now she'd just probably be on the rebound, like Sam obviously is with Santana, since he clearly isn't into her like he was into Quinn. Wait…you know, Sam never seemed totally 100% into Quinn either. He looked tired around her a lot, like she wasn't what he wanted. Which is another reason why he dumped her, I guess._

_Or maybe…could Sam be, you know, playing for the other team? I heard Kurt sure thought so before he transferred. Well, whatever Sam is, he's still kind of cool, I guess. Except he's got nothing on me in terms of football. I am the undisputed head quarterback in charge. Just like she (yes, my ex) is the undisputed head diva in charge. I am using that word correctly, right? Undisputed? Or is it undiluted…?_

_Yeah, well, whatever. You are not a diary._


	6. February 20th

_February 20, 2011_

_Today's Sunday, right? So does that mean that she's going to Temple or whatever? Or do Jews have different sacred worship days? _

_I personally hate the weekends, because I always find myself thinking about her, wondering what she's doing, and stuff like that. Man, I feel like such a stalker._

…_Kurt just texted me, he's going to hang out with her. ? KURT! AT LEAST TELL ME WHERE YOU'RE GOING OR WHAT YOU'RE DOING OR SOMETHING. YOU KNOW I CAN'T ASK WITHOUT SEEMING LIKE I CARE._

_Ugh, such a stalker. Whatever, I guess that's love._

_I'm really bored…maybe I'll ask some of the guys to hang. Puck, Sam, Artie, Mike…well, maybe not Sam. We can play Zombie Apocalypse and stuff. Maybe get buzzed. Who knows?_

_Well, later._

_Don't go all 'diary' on me, okay pal?_


	7. February 21st

_February 21__st__, 2011_

_I'm so hung-over right now. The guys and I totally went ape last night. We played Xbox until 3 am and totally got high on Hoodsie cups and beers that I stole when my mom and Burt fell asleep. Don't worry though, we didn't get too drunk._

_I was cleaning my room this morning though, and I found this CD under my bed. It's the soundtrack of that musical she loves. Le…Less…Less Miserable? Wow, they spelled Less Miserable wrong! Even I know that Less has two S's and Miserable can't be plural! Jeez…_

_Yeah, so she must have left it there one time when she was over. Don't make fun of me, (even though you can't because you're a diary. Ha.) But I'm giving it a listen. It's actually really cool. I'm digging this Jean Valjean guy. _

_Oh, no wait…check out this Marius dude. He totally gets this girl Cosette. If we ever did this music in Glee club, I'd want to sing for him, and then she can be Cosette. Yeah, I wouldn't mind that._

…_Wait, he has TWO girls after him? Well, damn, she can play both if she wants. What? I mean, I'm just saying, since she'd totally kill both parts like the boss she is. Kill is a good thing, by the way. Right?_

_Well, whatever, I'm hungry. Pizza, French fries, and Hoodsie cups? Sounds awesome._

_Diary? What is this diary you're talking about?_


	8. February 23rd

_February 23, 2011_

_Hey there, sorry I haven't really been writing for the past couple of days. Since we've been having a few more snow days then we'd like, Mr. Schue scheduled a Glee rehearsal today, unlocked the school and everything._

_Even though Regionals is soon, Mr. Schue wanted us to look at some of our older stuff and like, see how we've improved and stuff. I guess, before I joined, Kurt, Mercedes, Artie, Tina, and she did some song from that musical Guys and Dolls. Something about rocking a boat, or sitting in it, or something._

_But anyways, we're doing it, and it's going kind of well. Then, something really weird happens—she trips. Like, she trips in the middle of a step-ball-change or whatever it's called, and she trips good. She fell flat on her face, like that day when Puck waxed the floor when Ms. Holiday substituted for Mr. Schue._

_It was the end of rehearsal anyway, so Mr. Schue released us and then Santana was a bitch like always and said something like, "Glad to see your man-hands broke your fall." If anyone reads this, try reading it in a real deep, low, demonic voice. It'll express Santana's personality better, or whatever the word is._

_So everyone just kind of laughs and leaves, but I help her up of course. Then I pull this really smooth move: I say, "At least you didn't fall and break your talent," DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?_

_Yep, I'm awesome—I was like her hero. _

_Her party was pretty rad. I mean, I didn't drink, 'cause I was the designated driver, and neither did Kurt because he was trying to impress Blaine or whatever. But, she was being clingy and all over me, and it was kind of hot, but I wasn't going to take advantage of her at her own drunken rager so I told her she was being needy and then she got kind of pissed and started a game of spin-the-bottle right there._

_Then, you'll never guess what happens next—hers lands on Blaine, and so obviously they kissed, and they got kind of really into it. I was getting ready to punch the guy, but that probably wouldn't have looked good, and anyway Kurt looked like he was probably going to murder her, but then they stopped (finally) and she said his face tasted awesome. I wonder If my face tasted awesome._

_Then they sang some freaky duet. It sounded cool, but you know, watching two drunken people sing some 80's tune or whatever is kind of boring. Besides, I shouldn't be so mad that they kissed—they were drunk and it was spin-the-bottle. Even though Blaine is supposed to be gay, but whatever._

_Then I found out they went on a date, sober and everything, and I got kind of pissed. It went well I heard, but then I guess Blaine dumped her because he figured out that he was most definitely gay. And apparently she's ok with it, and I know I am, so whatever._

_That's all from me. See you, little notebook buddy WHO IS NOT A DIARY._


	9. March 9th

_March 9, 2011_

_Sorry I haven't given you much TLC lately. Stuff's been busy. Oh, that reminds me—she sent me two mp3's of songs she wrote. They're really, really good. Like, totally awesome. I can't even describe them. We're so going to win Regionals with them. I told her just that and she was all, "Oh stop it Finn," and it was cute._

_I told her that she should solo sing one of them. She sounded so good singing both of them, and to be honest I wouldn't be totally opposed if she just sang both of them by herself, she's that good, but of course that would kind of defeat the purpose of, like, everything ever. But I convinced her to sing one of them solo, even though that wasn't hard to do._

_We have another late night Glee rehearsal tonight, and I'm kind of nervous, because we're working on this song in Glee un-related to Regionals and I have a solo in it, and it has a lot of dancing…I can't dance. Well, at least, Mr. Schue said it has lots of dancing. We're coral graphing it tonight. I don't know how to spell it. It sounds like coral graphing, but it also kind of sounds like Oreo-graphing, too._

_Whatever, it's dancing and I hate it. _

_Maybe I'll ask her to help me out…_

_What is this diary you speak of? It's nonexistent, I tell you._


	10. March 11th

_March 11, 2011_

_I didn't say her name when I was making out with Quinn._

_Even if she says I did._

_I didn't say the other name._

_I didn't._


	11. March 17th

_March 17, 2011_

_We won Regionals; I'm still kind of in shock. It was so awesome._

_But, shit, just when I think I couldn't fall more in love with her, she sings that song._


	12. March 22nd

_March 22, 2011_

_Today I came home from school and my mom was all, "Get dressed, Finn! We're going to your aunt's!" and I was like, "Wait—what? Why?" and she was all, "It's your cousin Grace's birthday, silly! It's party time!"_

_Okay, so it took me more than five minutes to remember 'My Cousin Grace.' We have a big ass family, okay? Well, okay, not really. But then I remembered her and got kind of pumped because Grace is, like, my favorite cousin. We haven't seen each other since, maybe, freshman year because they live in, like, Cleveland or something. Oh, no, wait, I did see her at my mom's wedding for, like, thirty seconds. But, anyway, I'm pretty sure she's sixteen today, which is a pretty big deal. It's funny though, I don't remember her coming to _my _sixteenth birthday party. Huh._

_Anyway, so it takes us like an hour to get to Cleveland (Me, Kurt, Mom, and Burt) and when we get there, I kind of have to remember that my Dad's side of the family owns this huge ass property because whoa—it's big._

_Grace is the same as I hastily remembered her—she's got red hair with freckles, and she's a little shorter than me (actually, she's about, you know—_her_ height), and to be honest she's kind of sort of hot, but it's not like I ever think about that in depth because hello, cousins._

_Anyway, she's outspoken and all over the place, and its like, whenever she walks in a room, she totally draws all the attention. It's actually kind of cool. It's like, —what was I saying? Sorry, Grace walked into the room._

_I met some of her friends, mostly girls, but a few guys. They were all pretty awesome. From what I remember, I met—Allison, Dimmie, Michelle, Faith, Brittany (great, another Brittany I have to remember), Gemma, Bill, Joey, Ria, Jeremy, uhh, MC, Lizzy, and m'sure there were others, but I really can't remember. I want to say sorry, but it's not like they're gonna read this thing ever, right?_

_Anyways, after we had cake—huge red velvet cake, Grace (and Kurt's, I think) favorite, she and I got around to talking and walking around while it was still light out. I filled her in on everything she's missed, including my Glee stuff, which she's actually thought was pretty cool since day one, and I updated her on Kurt and his "Dalton endeavors" and how he's sort of dating Blaine now (I dunno, I don't really like him. Not to be a total douche, but frankly, Kurt deserves better. What? He's an awesome step-bro) and she totally agrees that it was bad news and that he should come back to McKinley. _

_I told her about how Sam was the new kid, and she was all, "Oh, my god! He's gay! I just know it!"And I was kind of confused and didn't know what to say, but then she said to set him up with Kurt, even though I really don't think Sam's gay, I mean come on, he dated Quinn and Santana this year alone. But, come to think of it…he would be kind of awesome for Kurt. Don't mind me, I'm just…thinking._

_Then we went canoeing with her friends on this new canoe (obviously it was a canoe—oh, and the other kids had extra canoes so we wouldn't all flip one over because there were at least, like 64 kids there, at least that's what Ria said—apparently she counted) that Grace got for her birthday from her parents, and we were on this river near her house that went along this bit of land that had a train track, and a train went by, and Grace totally flipped it off with a lot of curses, and then her friends did the same, but Grace was definitely the loudest. I asked why they did that without seeming stupid, and they all just kind of laughed like, "Don't worry about it, Finn," but Grace said later, "Long story short—we hate trains."_

_Well, okay then._

_There were some pretty cool presents. Her friend Allison painted her, and a lot of the kids wrote these cool short stories for her. They were actually really good. I don't really know what we got her…jewelry or something. Kurt apparently remembers his own step-cousin more than I did, and he bought her some bedazzled canoe rower thing. She totally freaked._

_Apparently she got a new cell phone, so we exchanged numbers to better stay in touch, and we texted a little on the way home. She kept writing in all-caps, so eventually I asked her why she was yelling at me._

_Her response?_

"_CAPS-LOCK IS AN ART FINN."_

_Yep, pretty sure it's safe to conclude that Grace all._

**Happy Birthday, Grace! :D**


	13. April 2nd

_April 2, 2011_

_Just changed my Facebook relationship status to "In a relationship with Quinn Fabray."_

_Shit, shit, shit, what the hell am I doing?_


	14. April 6th

**A/N: I see that a few of you guys are miffed that I don't do the lengthiest of updates all the time. This fic was intended to be a **_**drabble**_** fic, so there will be some short entries. Besides, it's a diary. A **_**guy's**_** diary. **_**Finn's**_** diary. Do you really think he'd actually pour his heart and soul into each entry? Don't worry my loves, I do it all for a reason. Anyhow, it's your lucky day—this entry is mildly long.**

_April 6, 2011_

_Quinn took me prom shopping today. I guess I underestimated how much she really, really likes prom because…she really, really, really likes prom. She kept going on and on and on about it. She kind of reminded me of _her_ when she always babbled. But she was always cute about it, but Quinn just got kind of creepy. Like a serial killer. Yikes._

_She picked out this really obnoxiously poofy pink dress and put it on hold, and then we went over to the men section to pick out a vest and tux and tie or whatever. I guess guys' ties always have to match the girls' dress, so I'm stuck wearing this hot pink tie. Not as in the tie is hot, but as in the shade of pink is hot. Like, hot pink. That sounded better in my head._

_Anyway, as we were heading over to check out sparkly things for Quinn's head, and she was rambling about how she was gonna do her hair, we pass the area where she was trying on all the dresses for, like ever before picking the one out, and _she's _standing there. Just my luck, right? I'm shopping for prom crap with my current girlfriend and we stumble upon my ex-girlfriend who's kind of my friend trying on dresses…_

_And looking damn good, too._

_The dress was really, really nice on her. It might have looked great on anyone, but she totally sold it. It was her kind of dress. You'd think she'd wear some just as obnoxious dress that Quinn picked out, but no. It was classy and shiny and totally her. And it was gold. It was so her. _

_Then she saw our reflections in the mirror as I was turning my head to look at her, and she turned around looking kind of embarrassed and greeted us. Her dads were sitting next to the mirror, and they waved. I think. It was kind of hard to focus on anything except how good she looked in that dress. Quinn turned and smiled real fake like, took one look at her, and said it wasn't her color. If she was a guy, I would have hit her. Not only did that color look totally freaking awesome on her, she didn't have to go and say that to be a bitch, which was the only reason she said it. Then she snaked her arm around mine and led me away like a whipped little puppy, and let's face it, I am. It was pathetic._

_But I looked back before we left the store and I smiled back at her in the gold dress, nodding a little to say that hey, she looked awesome. She smiled back, that natural one that like comes within that I like so much, and gave a little wave. Then Quinn and I left._

_Once we got in my car, Quinn started talking about how we're such a shoe-in for prom court, but if you ask me, someone else should be getting that crown._

_I don't think you have to ask who, dude._


	15. April 17th

_April 17, 2011_

_Prom's coming up. Right now I'm on spring break, which rocks._

_I've been getting around to thinking...Who's she gonna go to prom with? I mean, I'm taken, duh, but there are other guys in Glee club…not that she has to go with a Glee guy, it's just that she probably knows them better than the guys outside…_

_So who's she gonna take?_

_Well…there's Sam, but he's with Santana. Except, they don't seem all happy-go-lucky right now. Especially since the whole 'Trouty Mouth' thing…which was pretty damn funny, if you ask me. And, it doesn't take a scientist to figure out there's something going on with her and Brittany…which I'm totally cool with because, hello, girl-on girl…_

_Then there's Puck. He's probably going with Lauren. But, it's _Puck_. He bangs anything that moves and has boobs. And _her_ boobs are pretty nice…then again, I'm sure Lauren would kick his ass if he ever pulled that, going to the prom with anyone besides her I mean, but I guess she'd be pissed if he groped some other girl, too._

_Okay, and Artie—he and Brittany seem really good together, actually, but there's also that thing with Santana going on…besides, I'm not too worried about him—he's not really _her_ type…one time she said that she asked him to be co-captain of Glee for the yearbook photo, but then she took it back because she'd have to bend over in photos and it'd make her look fat. So, I'm guessing that didn't change for prom._

_Mike is with Tina, and they're all cool and Asian and stuff. No worries there._

_Kurt's at Dalton, even though I wouldn't worry about him anyway because he'd go with Blaine if he could, but it would've been nice if I had an excuse to talk to her and see more of her in that dress if my step-brother went to prom with her. Oh, well._

_So…who the hell is she gonna go with? The only single people in Glee are her and…Mercedes. Oh, so they'll probably go together as friends, I guess. Which kind of sucks because Mercedes is awesome and _both_ of them deserve dates. _

_Well, at least I don't have to worry about anything._

_But, wait—why am I worrying? I have a girlfriend. Quinn, remember? Hot, blonde, popular? Yeah, her. Speaking of, she said she changed her mind about the poufy, pink prom dress. She saw a blue one at another store and "just _has_ to get it," so I guess that means more shopping._

_Whoopee-freaking-doo!_


	16. April 30th

_April 30, 2011_

_Um, so…I broke her nose._

_Funny story, actually. I was dancing and I whacked her face and it, you know, broke and stuff. It was really traumatizing and I felt so bad._

_Then she had the bright idea to get a nose job. A nose job. I love her nose! It was always kinda hot when we would make out and our noses would rub together or something and…stop it, Finn._

_So I told her not to do it. I told her she was beautiful, and I didn't even feel bad because Quinn was sitting right next to me. Somebody needed to tell her, so I did. But she still wanted to go through with it—and she wants Quinn's nose. I don't even know. But they sang a really nice duet…_

_So then, after I did my awesome song, which was so awesome I think it just beats the standards of awesome, it was that awesome—Puck and Kurt had this really good idea to have a Barbravention for her. Like, a Barbra intervention? Pretty cool name, actually._

_Anyways, we all choreographed this crazy dance to Duck Sauce's "Barbra Streisand," and we surprised her and did it and she was so happy and cute and stuff about it. She looks even more beautiful when she's just herself. I tried to stay away from her, though, because I didn't want to almost kill her again._

_By the way, Kurt's back! Yeah, um, long story. But it's all good._

_I'm actually really glad everyone agreed to the Barbravention thing…it's like everyone in the club really, really cares about her. And they should—she's amazing. We didn't even have to try and convince them—Puck and Kurt just suggested the idea and everyone was all for it. It was really cool._

_So then she decided not to have a nose job after all. Then she said I should stay away from her because I might murder her or something…which actually really sucks, but it was funny so I did a little ba-dum tiss on the drums and she smiled and it was cute._

_Well…later, buddy. Diaries are for squares._


	17. May 3rd

**Hi all—sorry for such a long hiatus! I got chemical burns in my eyes shortly after the previous chapter, and I had a show to do, and then I had some exams, some school, more exams…but now I'm free! So, I just finished writing all the chapters! I'm posting them all today and I hope you enjoy every single one! They're canon, just FYI! This one's short, but the others are a decent length! Enjoy! (:**

_May 3, 2011_

_Okay, this week was fucked up._

_First, Quinn's cheating on me with Sam, then she's not, then Sam and Kurt are hooking up (ahem, about time, Sam—jeez), then they're not, then I'm on a stake-out with her and we're having a conversation and she's doing that thing where she's like inside my head and it's creepy but kinda cool and then there's feelings, then Sam's poor, then we're getting him his guitar back, then he's crying, and Quinn's saying you-know-who and I can't do duets anymore or else she'll break up with me, and there was a lot of Fleetwood Mac in between…_

_Yikes._

_(One thing I can say, though—she can sing a Fleetwood Mac song really hot, if you ask me. Damn.)_


	18. May 10th

_May 10, 2011_

_Jesse St. James._

_Jesse St. fucking asshole omlette-loving Vocal Adrenaline douchebag dickface James._

_She went to prom with that guy._

_The prom—with him, of all people. With him._

_Adgsdfhfdjdhjdagdsffhf_

_It didn't help that she looked hot, either. She didn't even wear the gold dress. I bet he told her it would draw attention from him. Asshole. So she wore a pink one._

_Well, I went with Quinn of course, and she looked hot too. And I might have gotten a corsage for her that you-know-who picked out. And I might have told her she was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. And I might have lied. Or, well, I didn't lie. It was true at the time. But then I got there, and saw a swishy pink dress, and…yeah._

_She sang something…Jar of Hearts. And she sang it to me—I'm not stupid. It was all about me, right to the bone. I mean, hello, she totally saw me with that huge bucket of candy hearts around Valentine's Day (Jar of Hearts, duh!) and I promised her I would never break up with her and aw, shit…_

_I really broke her heart, didn't I?_

_The worst part was, after she sang and I was kind of shaking and Quinn had her arms around me and my feelings were all whacked out, she lights this beautiful smile on her little face that was so damn broken a minute ago all because of me, and then she gets off-stage and starts dancing with Jesse St. Dickwad. _

_Then shit went down._

_I punched him, okay? We were dancing, and Blaine and Tina and Brittany were singing, and he was all over her, and that face that she puts on when she tries to look like she's okay with whatever's going on but really isn't was there, and then all of a sudden there was pushing, and shoving, and yelling, and, and…then I punched him._

_Then we got kicked out._

_I didn't want to cause any more trouble, so when our asses were firmly thrown out onto the street, I didn't say anything, and I didn't touch him, nothing. But he did say something._

"_You had your chance, Hudson."_

_Those were his exact words. And he was fucking right._

_I did have my chance. I'd had a thousand chances ever since we broke up. Christmas, Valentine's Day, in the motel parking lot, at the doctor's office, a bazillion times in the choir room…I had all these chances and I fucking blew them all._

_She knows it, too. She knows that she's given me all the time in the world, all the chances she could give…but now she was done. It was all in her face, in that song. _

_Fuck, I even had another chance just now—I could've told her everything how I felt right there, instead of punching her date in the face._

_Damn. It's over. There's no way in hell she's going to give me one last shot—I'd just mess it up anyway, not see it, not know what to do…_

_One thing's for sure—I can't hurt her anymore. She won't let me, and I won't let myself. If this is the end, then…then, fine. She has Jesse. I have Quinn. We've both…moved on. Or at least, we're trying to._

_Maybe I should just let her go…_

_But instead…maybe, maybe I should fight for her—for us._


	19. May 17th

_May 17, 2011_

_One thing's for dam certain._

_I'm fucking in love with her, and I'm gonna get her._

_I'm gonna fight for her._

_That funeral…it made me realize everything. That I don't belong with Quinn, I never did, it was her, it was always her…_

_I don't care if she's giving me a world of chances, I don't care if she's with Jesse now, I don't care at all. I need her, and I love her, and I miss her, and I'm not gonna stop until I get her back._

_I'll do anything, I'll sing to her, I'll write her a letter, I'll get her a puppy, I'll—I'm going to do anything I can. Fuck, I'd even propose to her if that's what it took. _

_Wait—we're doing original songs at Nationals (which I made very clear when I told Jesse just exactly what he could do with his show-choir consulting—not in so many words, but whatever)._

_I'll write the song—I'll write it about us, for us, for her…and we'll sing it and everything will be okay…_

_This is it._


	20. May 24th

_May 24, 2011_

_JUST GOT BACK FROM NEW YORK!_

_WE'RE BACK TOGETHER AND STUFF!_

_SHE LOVES ME! AND I LOVE HER!_

_DAMN THIS SOUNDS REALLY GUSHY; I HOPE KURT DON'T FIND THIS._

_Okay, so I guess I'll explain._

_We're in New York, right? The coolest city ever, her favorite place in the world, and so I took her on a date. Well, she thought it was a "work date," but c'mon—formalwear, Sardi's, flowers, Bella Notte, a work date? Really?_

_Then I tried to kiss her—didn't go so well._

_Long story short, now I'm feeling like shit because I was right—she wouldn't give me another chance._

_But! But, but, but!_

_I did write the song. I called it Pretending—because I've been pretending to be over her and all that, and I'm not, yeah you know the drill._

_And right before we sang it she told me she loved me and then there was other stuff but whatever she loves me! And I love her, but she knew that._

_Then we sang the song—so good, man—and then, my feelings all just focused at her and nothing else and I forgot we were at Nationals in NYC, and I kissed her._

_AND IT WAS A DAMN GOOD KISS._

_THE SUPERMAN OF KISSES, AS I LIKE TO CALL IT._

_Oh, but then we lost Nationals. Which sucked. But we kissed, man! It was awesome! And I told Jesse to fuck off! Again, not in so many words, but you get the picture._

_So we go back to Lima, gross, and everything goes back to normal. The school even put up a 12__th__ place banner up. No one even slushied us for a full day—probably 'cause hey, we did go to Nationals in New fucking York, props to us. And it was nice, kinda like a silent respect from all the kids. Awesome._

_So we're back together. And, I know she's gonna high-tail it out of here to New York the minute we graduate, but…I think we're gonna be okay._

_All that matters is, even though this year was a big stupid rollercoaster for us, we're back together and we love each other, like we always have._

_It's gonna be an awesome summer. And then…senior year!_

_By the way, thanks for not turning into a diary on me through all this. Feels good._


	21. June 24th

_Dear Finn,_

_Don't get mad at me! But…Kurt told me you had this little diary, and I had to look. He may or may not have read it too._

_This is positively the most adorable thing I have ever read. Legitimately, my eyes are welling up a bit. You're downstairs helping your mother clean up after dinner, which is sweet, and you won't realize it right away, but that following (very exceptional) make-out session that ended pretty well? Let's just say I was in a good mood from reading this._

_And, I want you to know that I love you. Yes, I know, very surprising (I can be sarcastic too, for your information!)—but it's true. Even after we broke up, I never really stopped. You were always there, in the back of my mind, even when I was involved with Jesse…another regret of mine on my very long list._

_And, you're right. It was always you, it's always been you, and it's always going to be you. I believe we are what the internet refers to as…endgame, is that it? (I can be tech-savvy, too!)_

_I'm sorry this year's been so tough for us, since the whole thing was my fault in the first place, but that's only going to make us stronger and better in the long run. I think we'll go the distance. I do._

_Hmm…I did give you quite a few chances, didn't I? Maybe I'll remember that next time…and, oh, I'll definitely be remembering this whole thing! Don't worry, though, I won't breathe a word._

_Now, hurry up with the dishes so we can make-out! Hehe (;_

_I love you,_

_~Rachel_

_Xoxo_

_P.S. I hate to break it you, babe, but this is a diary._

* * *

_June 24__th__, 2011_

_Awkward._

_Um, but uh, anyway, guess what we're doing this summer? _

_Road trip!_

* * *

**Thanks for being such a great audience, you guys! And, yes, you can follow their road trip! Both are accounts on tumblr, so there you go! :D  
**

_**Rachel: tinker-rachelberry**_

_**Finn: finnyteen**_

**I love you all! Finchel forever! (:**


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